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| Fake News, More or Less |
| 07.14.04 (4:14 pm) [edit] |
[u]Reality Bites Back[/u]
[i]Los Angeles, CA[/i] – Incensed by the recent onslaught of no-holds-barred, sensationalist, raunchy, and poorly scripted reality television programming, Reality has brought a civil lawsuit against K. Rupert Murdoch, chairman and CEO of the News Corporation, and the Fox Broadcasting Company, its subsidiary, on grounds of libel. A statement released Friday reported that Reality is suing for an undisclosed amount in damages caused by, “unconscionable liberties taken by the Fox Broadcasting Company and the News Corporation with the name and notion of Reality and the hostile intent of defaming and discrediting said name.”
The statement, released by the law offices of Feingold, Feingold, and Partners, defines Reality in accordance with Webster’s Dictionary as, “something that is neither derivative nor dependent but exists necessarily.” It goes on to cite over 100 specific grievances, instances in which the reality programming produced by the Fox Broadcasting Company in the past three years has “blatantly and willfully spurned this definition.” The following are among the examples:
17.) Situations which would never, nor should they ever, arise in daily life. This includes, but is not limited to: a.) poor, unattractive women receiving free, state of the art plastic surgery and being lambasted for being unattractive afterwards, b.) people living in a tropical paradise with no rules or responsibilities yet still complaining about it, c.) the exploitation of William Hung’s vocal talents for profit.
53.) The creation of Ryan Seacrest from the mutated DNA of sterilized lab mice.
102.) Use of the caption “Slurp” in ambiguously sexual situations.
Murdoch is said to be in close consultation with his legal staff in hopes of raising a successful counter-suit. In a prepared statement, spokesperson Joe Millionaire II said, “We at Fox stand behind the quality of our programming and we are confident that any argument debating its high caliber and ethical standards will not hold water. Thank you, and why don’t you pick up a copy of the fourth season of [i]The Simpsons[/i] just released on DVD on your way out?”
An anonymous source close to Murdoch, however, raises doubts on this purported confidence. “Rupert is very troubled by the allegations, I haven’t seen him cry like this since he got bit by that dingo when he was 8.” The source went on to say that Murdoch has been overheard saying, “I will [rend Reality in twain with my bare hands]…and [slake my thirst on the blood]…of…[its children],” over and over again late at night.
Outside of the legal arena, however, fans of Fox television programs such as [i]Joe Millionaire[/i], [i]Temptation Island[/i], [i]Joe Millionaire II[/i], and [i]Temptation Island II[/i] have come out in full force to support their favorite shows. A recent rally outside the Fox lot in Hollywood, CA drew literally billions of people to the streets in protest of Reality’s claims. Carrying placards that read, “Vote Reality Off Reality TV!”, “Simon Says: Reality Sings Like A Drunk Toad!”, and “Reality, You Are The Weakest Link,” protesters thronged the streets from sunrise to sunset.
One of the marchers, Meredith Klump of Boston, MA, summed up the power that reality television holds over people saying, “If it wasn’t for reality television, I would have no reason to live. That’s a fact.” When asked if she would consider a murderous rampage as an outlet for her frustration should the lawsuit be decided in Reality’s favor, Klump replied, “Maybe.”
Despite overwhelming public outrage, Reality stands as firmly by its cause as Murdoch does. “Future generations will thank us for eliminating this foul scourge,” said representatives of Reality. “Rest assured, nothing less than the very fate of humanity rests on this lawsuit.”
Catch Fox’s latest reality TV masterpiece, [i]The Simple Life 2[/i], Wednesdays at 9/8 Central.
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posted by: jesusisangry (reply)
post date: 07.14.04 (4:20 pm)
Reality televsion shows mirror reality trends. that way they are so popular. the show is something they can relate to directly. Not many teens watch older programing like leave it beaver or the brandy bunch? the view demographics is not there? Won't generate revenue. The more watchers you have the more commericals spot you can sell. it's all the money.
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